For Those Who Despair of Ever Affording a Home, Family, or Life of Their Own

I know that I’ve crossed the 50-year-old mark because I find that many sentences now begin with the dreaded, “When I was your age…” or “When WE were dating/getting married/going to college/insert life stage here…”  Rather than fighting that, I’m going to lean into it. So here goes:

When Dan and I were first married, we were broke. I’m hearing a lot of 20-somethings now talking about the awful economy that they are inheriting and the restrictions that it is placing on their lifestyles, ability to even consider marriage, homeownership, etc. I’m not contesting that reality at all. The economic burden on them is harsh.

What I will offer, however, is the wisdom of someone who has been there; much as my grandparents who lived through the Depression offered to us!

If you’re that young thinking-of-becoming-married or newly married couple, in the 20-something range, struggling to work 2 jobs each and still make time for one another, may I encourage you? Set down your preconceptions of what connecting with your spouse needs to look like.

Your generation has grown up more inundated with media presence and expectations than any previous. You have daily shifting trends to keep up with and your weddings frequently consist of multiple layers of pre-parties and yes-to-the-dress events and websites and registrations and save-the-dates and invitations and aesthetic venues and the list goes on. Let it go.

Your marriage is ultimately a covenant between the two of you and God. It is deeply intimate and simple and for a lifetime. Do the things that build that, not your front-facing social presence.

Among the most lasting memories and tender moments that Dan and I share are the things that cost us little to nothing except time and intention:

• Praying together. You say things in prayer, both looking at God, that are uncomfortable to share even between the two of you. Next-level intimacy here.

 

• Prioritizing doing something together over owning something. Walks along the shorefront, visiting local parks, taking a drive, all cost barely anything. If we’re going to spend, we’d rather spend on gas money to go explore a place than purchasing a dust-collector for our home. Don’t get me wrong; I like beautiful things…but in the end, they’re just things.

 

• Going to the store together and “exchanging cards” from the greeting card aisle that “I’d totally buy for you if I was willing to spend that much on paper!” Sometimes sentimental, sometimes exceedingly silly, it always helped us to say things to one another.

 

• Cooking meals together as often as you can. The conversation over chopping vegetables and enjoying the tastes and smells of even simple food creates an appreciation for co-laboring and simple pleasures that begins to spill over to other areas of life.

 
You are right. The economy is hard. You can’t easily or readily achieve all that the extensive media machine has told you that you must have in order to have a successful, aesthetic, well-appointed life. But you can absolutely take what you do have, commit it to God and each other, and allow Him to multiply it into a richer and fuller life than you imagined possible.