When Are Kids Like Grapevines?

Florida. When it’s mentioned, there are a lot of things that come to mind: beaches, gators, oranges, theme parks and crazy people. But did you know that we have vineyards here, too? I know! I’m a native and was unaware of that until the last 20 years or so.

Dan and I toured one of these vineyards, not quite knowing what to expect. We learned that there is a specific varietal of grape (the Muscadine) that absolutely loves our climate and soil content. It thrives here. The owner had attempted other varietals, but they just don’t do as well. They need another place. Another set of conditions to grow and bring forth the best fruit. A different style of trellising and training.

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Psalm 22:6

I wonder sometimes if, in trying to get the outcome that is most desirable, prestigious or award-winning for ourselves, we mishandle that verse. Like a vineyard owner trying to force a grape varietal to grow when it isn’t in its most suitable surroundings, do we impose the way we want to go onto our kids?

I have four very different people that were given to me by God to train up. They have familial similarities, of course; from their sonogram profiles, you could tell all of them were ours. But they are also their own people. On purpose. God has designed all four of them for unique missions in His Kingdom; they need to be different. Because of that, we needed to raise them differently.

That takes a lot of deliberate attention. There’s no “set it and forget it” about training up children. But if we understand that verse to say that we are to train up a child in the way that he individually should go in order to grow into the fullest maturity and most fruitful life that he can live, then we understand that attention to be worth our effort!

Like the vintner, we will get to know each one of the varietals that we are nurturing. We’ll pay attention to the nutrients in the soil that bring about the most abundant flowering as well as the weather conditions that cause wilting and rot. We’ll notice the depth of their color and the richness of their shine. We’ll make sure that the roots are well protected and run deep.

When we see fruit beginning to grow, we’ll be careful not to rush its maturity so that it will grow to the fullness of flavor. We’ll also not devalue it or neglect it so that it ends up rotting on the vine, stunting future harvests, stinking up the air, and becoming a decomposing heap instead of a celebrated accomplishment.

Like the vines of a vineyard, a child carefully nurtured to grow, mature, and bear the fruit for which God designed them becomes a valuable treasure to the one who has invested in that work. Whether they are destined to be dry, tangy, sweet, refreshing, or somewhat acidic and biting, each of your children is worth your effort to train up in the way that THEY should go. When you do that, they fulfill their purposes in the Kingdom of God.

If, however, you demand that a Muscadine be a Merlot or that a Chardonnay twist itself into a Syrah, it may give you some of the characteristics that you’ve forced upon it. Yet, it will never become that flourishing, healthy, beautiful and delightful thing that it could have been. And, given half the chance to stray off its harshly restricted training that has stunted its growth and changed its flavor, it will shoot wild runners off in every direction seeking relief from what it was never meant to be.
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Parents, I know the days of up at dawn and not down until midnight are hard. I know that the seemingly unending task of pruning and protecting your kiddos has your hands raw and your back sore. I know that the mental energy of paying attention to even the little nuances in their growth makes you want to just become a puddle in front of your screen of choice. Hang in there. Keep doing the hard work. I promise you that the vinedresser’s reward of seeing the fullness of maturity, individuality, and purpose exceeds the pain of the process.